Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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