Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
did i walk over a car last night?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize