The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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