dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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