it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize