she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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