I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just invented taco cereal.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize