I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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