Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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