Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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