I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My feet surprised me
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