we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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