I wish my penis had an off switch
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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