Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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