It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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