Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize