i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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