problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I want to fling myself into the sun
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize