I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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