My underwear smells like fireworks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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