i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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