Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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