a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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