Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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