By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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