I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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