im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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