Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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