please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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