Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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