I heard we made out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
All I want is dick and wine.
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