what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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