I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize