Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize