my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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