so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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