I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize