I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize