So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
4 words: hood of his car
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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