I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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