I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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