More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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