if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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