Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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