Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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