he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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