He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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