just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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