Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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