i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i think i just lost a toe
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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