Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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